A Better Next Read online

  As they gave each other room to breathe, life went on. Tom needed a normal household, and they both went out of their way to remain civil and polite to each other, avoiding any real conversation. If I’m honest with myself, she thought, we’ve been living this way for a while already, so why not wait it out? Besides, she had an idea brewing.

  Chapter 8

  Jess woke up the morning of her flight to Stanford with puffy eyes and heavy limbs—inevitable side effects of her underlying anxiety. But the prospect of spending that weekend in Palo Alto for Beth’s theater performance gave her the motivation she needed to pop out of bed. Arthur was flying in from a meeting in Phoenix, and Jess planned to meet him and Beth on campus after her late-day trip from St. Louis.

  The taxi dropped her at the student commons. A soft breeze swished through the palm trees around the campus buildings. Jess removed her sweater and swung it over her shoulders. She looked up to a sea of young people and rolled her small carry-on bag to the door of the two-story stone building.

  She entered to a cacophony of young voices against a background hum of elevator dings and electronics. She smiled ruefully as she thought, Make way for the dinosaur, kids, but she didn’t have much time to dwell on self-pity, for the youth surrounding her swept her right up with their energy and into the open expanse of the crowded, noisy main room. Time to find Beth.

  It didn’t take long to spot them. Father and daughter were huddled together in an island unto themselves. Arthur’s briefcase and overnight bag were holding a soft-cushioned chair for Jess. When they looked up, she recognized the deep-set blue eyes of her husband repeated so beautifully in their child. She teared up suddenly as she realized how much love she had to protect.

  “Mom! So happy you’re here.” Beth jumped up to hug her close. Jess melted into her and closed her eyes. Yes, whatever else she was concerned about in her marriage, she would never regret having had her two beautiful kids with Arthur.

  “You made good time. Flight OK?” Arthur stood and kissed her on the cheek.

  “Yes, easy flight.” Jess leaned in and gave him a full kiss on the mouth. “Love you.”

  Arthur, surprised, responded quickly, “Love you too,” and moved his bag from the chair he had saved for her.

  “I’m so glad we figured out how to make this work!” Jess settled into her seat and beamed at both of them. “So, what are you two conspiring about?”

  “Oh, you know Dad. He’s giving me an update on his stash of miles. He made some breakthrough on categories or something.” Beth rolled her eyes.

  “Oh, I see.” Jess also rolled her eyes. Arthur loved to play games with airline rewards programs in order to maximize his free miles, and he loved to talk about it.

  “Tease me if you want, but the whole family benefits from my strategic calculations!” Arthur boasted. “How do you think we got here to visit you, dear Beth?”

  Beth’s eyes shone as she filled them in on the weekend schedule and choices to be made beyond the play. She particularly wanted them to meet her friends and see her dorm room.

  “Just remember, I’ll be spending tomorrow morning through lunch with the Stanford medical people. They have me giving a talk during rounds.” Arthur directed his comment at Beth.

  “Remember? I didn’t know you scheduled something,” Jess quickly cut in. “When did you do that?”

  “Hmm. Thought I told you.” He was looking at his daughter. “Beth already forgave me. This way, you two can have some girl time without old dad hanging around. Right, Beth?”

  Beth looked adoringly back at her father. “Well, I didn’t think you’d be too excited about spending time in the dorm and meeting my girlfriends. It’s OK, Dad.” She turned her attention to her mother and continued, “Mom, I hit the jackpot with my roommate this year. I already know Lucy and I will be friends forever, and you have to see how we fixed up our room—it’s so cool. It’s much better than last year’s.”

  Jess smiled. “Excellent. I’m very excited to meet her and your theater friends. And, darling girl, have you cut your hair a bit? I just have to look at you for a while. I’ve missed you so much!” She reached over for another hug, grateful that her daughter was beyond the stage where public displays of affection were forbidden.

  “Gosh, this is a big space.” She let Beth loose and took in the surroundings. The sandstone arches from the exterior were repeated in the entryway. She marveled at how well the original Romanesque style had been preserved in this student-friendly building, clearly modernized for technology. Off in one corner, she saw the inevitable coffee shop. Overflow seating was filled to capacity. Students sat or slept on the scattered furniture or sprawled on the floor, looking quite comfortable. She noted the location of the gift shop. “Beth, let’s make sure we make time for me to stop and pick up a Stanford sweatshirt for Tom in the morning.”

  “Sure, Mom. We can do that. By the way, as long as you’re so good at the miles game, Dad, do you think you and Mom could come to a couple of my touring performances next year? I know for sure there will be one in Portland, and they’re still trying to make arrangements for Chicago.” Beth looked eagerly at her father.

  Arthur’s and Jess’s eyes locked with more intimacy than they had shared in months. He broke his gaze first.

  Jess held her breath and watched him squirm. Her first thought was, I hope now isn’t the moment he chooses to announce an impending move to our daughter. But when he replied only, “Which of these acts are you in, Beth?” she added silently to herself, Why can’t he just say, “We’ll be there”?

  Beth sprang out of her chair as she spotted her roommate. “Mom, Dad, Lucy’s here!” Beth ran off to meet her, and Arthur popped up to follow, leaving Jess with the luggage.

  The girls approached her, arm in arm. “Welcome to Stanford! Beth has been so excited to see you, Mrs. Steele.” Lucy pivoted to include Arthur, who was a step outside of the circle.

  “And Dr. Steele.”

  Jess pulled Lucy in for a hug, and Beth piled on. “We’re so delighted that you and Beth are having so much fun together. I hear I’m in for a treat when I see your dorm room tomorrow. We’d love for you to join us for dinner?”

  Jess turned to her husband, taking control quickly. “Arthur, where are we staying? Have you already been to the hotel? Have you made a dinner reservation? Make sure to include a seat for Lucy at our table.”

  Beth pulled herself away from Lucy long enough to have the last word with her father. “And, Dad, don’t think you’re off the hook. Those airline miles can get you and Mom to at least one of my performances.”

  Jess left the happy dinner party as dessert arrived to take a phone call she was expecting. She needed to go back to the beginning to save her marriage. She was hoping Hazel, and Los Amigos, could help.

  Jess and Arthur had originally met in Boston, where they had been paired to lead a medical-aid team to Colombia for a two-week service trip. At the time, Jess was a rising star at a big consulting firm, working eighty hours a week. Her organizational skills were requested to manage the annual pro bono project, and Arthur was the charismatic doctor chosen to recruit the medical personnel. Thrown together in a strange land with primitive conditions to handle, they at first admired each other’s professional acumen. Then the long nights and close quarters threw them together romantically.

  Jess considered it a two-week fling that would conclude naturally after the Colombia trip was over. Her preference was to date someone for a few months and leave when things got heavy or the guy got clingy. It was a pattern she was comfortable with, as the notion of getting close to someone seemed too dangerous to contemplate.

  She was surprised when Arthur pursued her back in Boston, but she enjoyed his world. Playing supporting cast member to his starring role worked for her. Arthur was growing tired of his playboy lifestyle, and, as Jess didn’t require much of his attention, they settled in.

  Hazel, the executive director of the Los Amigos program, had been after them to serve ag
ain in the first few years after that initial trip, but careers and then family always seemed to keep them from it. Now, Jess was willing to drop everything if she could present Arthur with the hook of a service trip.

  “Hazel, thanks so much for getting back to me so quickly. I was so happy to hear you’re still at Los Amigos.”

  “So lovely to get your note. I can’t believe you two are soon to be empty nesters.”

  “Time goes so fast. But yes, our youngest, Tom, leaves for college in the fall.”

  “Jess, I’m going to send you some material by e-mail and a packet to your home address. We do get people coming back to us after a lifestyle change, and we would welcome you and Arthur whenever you can find the time. The need continues, as you might know.”

  Arthur and Jess walked the girls back to their dorm, and after they were alone, she reached out for his hand. He seemed startled but did take it, after a slight hesitation, and they strolled through campus back to their hotel.

  “We have great kids, don’t we?” He smiled warmly. “Beth seems to be in her element out here.”

  “And Tom will find his way as well. Pretty soon, too.” Take advantage of his good mood, Jess told herself as she stopped and turned to face him. “Arthur, I think we should go back to Colombia this fall for a medical tour with Los Amigos. I’ve been in contact with Hazel just tonight. She’s sending us some information.”

  “Wow. When did you think this up?” He seemed bemused.

  “Well, I think it would be exactly the right trip to celebrate the end-of-merger strain. What do you think?” Jess immediately regretted having mentioned the merger when she saw Arthur’s eyes darken and he dropped her hand.

  “We’ll see.” He started walking again, ahead of her.

  Chapter 9

  Jess took her relaxing route to the office. She loved meandering into downtown and watching the sun start to move up over the Mississippi River. It was a breezy day, and she could feel the brisk wind buffeting the car as she drove slowly past the Missouri Botanical Garden. It’ll be nice to get back to my regular routine, she thought as she approached the elevator from the parking ramp at work.

  As she walked out of the elevator into the offices, she instantly caught a whiff of freshly baked cinnamon rolls. She saw a handful of her colleagues in the conference room, enjoying an early-morning birthday celebration for Cindy, one of the attorneys, who was also very pregnant.

  Someone called out, “Hey, Lawson—just in time to lead us in ‘Happy Birthday.’”

  Jess obliged happily and gave Cindy a hug. “Wow, there’s a lot of you to squeeze! Not to worry—that will change in, what, about a month?” Jess chuckled as Cindy sighed and pulled her aside.

  “This last month is a trial. I can’t sleep, can’t wear heels, and can’t wait to meet this little person! But I’m so glad you advised me to work through. If I were at home, the waiting would be making me crazy.”

  “And you’d be invisible here. If you want to stay on that partner track, and you should, plan your time off carefully. Take a few months when the baby comes, hire a nanny, and organize your household to work for you. You can do it, and you’ll be glad you did.” Jess winked at her while eyeing the cinnamon rolls on the table.

  “You know, it helps to know you did it, and your kids are great. You and Arthur are both at the top of your careers, rocksolid marriage, the whole deal.”

  Jess rolled her eyes at that description. They both laughed, and as she maneuvered her way to the table and scooped up a roll, Dan walked up to the conference room glass and gestured for her to come with him.

  “Oops. I guess I’ll have to take this with me and enjoy it later.” She smiled and followed him back to his office.

  “Good morning, Dan. Did you get your own sweet treat? Aren’t we lucky to be officed so close to the best bakery in downtown St. Louis? These rolls are so good. I only let myself have one when there’s a birthday.” She was chattering while negotiating the door to Dan’s office, her briefcase, her coat, and the roll, and she didn’t notice until she turned to face him that he had a stony look and was not about to enter into any casual conversation about bakeries with her.

  “Dan, what is it? I know you wanted to see me this morning, and here I am. Has something happened? You look very serious. What’s going on?”

  He took a breath and motioned for her to sit. “I wish I knew, Jess. I can’t figure out what’s going on, and I hope you can shed some light on it. I’m not quite sure how to tell you this, but I trust you know me to be straightforward and honest, so please bear with me as I struggle through.”

  He looked so forsaken that she smiled at him, dropped her briefcase and coat in a chair, and settled herself in the other. “Dan, it can’t be all that bad. Take a minute, and then tell me.” When she struggled to figure out where to put the cinnamon roll, they both broke the tension with a laugh, and she placed it on his desk. She pushed it forward to him as an offering.

  “Jess, I’ve known you for fifteen years, worked with you for twelve, and always found you to be the absolute picture of integrity. You’re a role model to professional women here and in the field, and I know you’re beyond reproach. So I’m beside myself trying to figure out why Dick has asked that you be taken off the merger project.”

  “What?” It took her a moment or two to even form her words, beyond repeating the obvious question several times. She finally managed to ask, “Do you know why, Dan?”

  Dan told her that Dick had called him up over the weekend and demanded that she be removed, with no explanation. Dan had talked to him again briefly that morning and firmly asked why, but Dick had given him the runaround and shut down with, “Don’t you think the client can choose which senior people can be trusted with such a monumental project?” Then he’d lowered the boom: “Maybe I should reconsider the firm itself if you can’t oblige me.”

  Dan went on to tell Jess that he had worked on his contacts on the Midwest Health team and not gotten anywhere. “It’s as if there’s an understanding that no more discussion is necessary, now that this decision has been made.”

  After ten minutes, Dan started repeating himself. Jess was surprised by how calm she felt when she asked, “What does this mean, Dan?”

  “I don’t know, Jess. I don’t want to go there yet. Can you think of any reason why Dick would take this position?”

  “Yes, I can. But I don’t want to believe it. I think it might be because he can’t control what Arthur does, or might do, and he’s using it as leverage. Let’s both think about this and talk later.” Jess picked up her coat and briefcase, reclaimed her cinnamon roll, and walked out of the office.

  At least they had not wasted time discussing whether her work had been subpar; Dan had saved her from that insult, if nothing else.

  Jess went to her office, closed the door, checked e-mail, and distracted herself by tying up some loose ends. She put a call in to Claire, whose assistant said she would be free in about an hour, and then went to the break room to get coffee.

  Claire called back, and Jess quickly brought her up to date. Claire’s reaction was immediate. “That bastard! How can he hold you accountable for something Arthur is doing?” Although Claire had apparently reached the same conclusion Jess had, that this was all about loyalty and sending a message to Jess that she needed to put the brakes on any possible move her husband was considering, she added, “Can you think of anything else it might have been? You know I think you’re brilliant and can do no wrong, but I don’t have context for you here and wonder if there is something that may have . . . I know you’ve been distracted about this whole thing over the past several weeks.”

  Suddenly, Claire’s voice escalated with emotion. “Wait a minute. Why are you so damn calm? I’d be sticking pins in a voodoo doll by now. What are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking about what a lovely family I have and how much fun our weekend was with Beth, and that this is only a job.” Jess laughed. “I’m sure I’ll be outraged soon. B
ut you know how important family is to me. And, frankly, I think the whole Portland thing was just a threat. All is back to normal, and I am not going to let this get to me.”

  “So, Arthur has categorically denied that there’s anything serious about this Portland thing?”

  “Not in so many words, but we have so much going for us right now that I just don’t think it’s a worry,” Jess said, willing herself onto the road back to normal.

  “Jess.” Claire sounded worried.

  “So this is what I’m going to do, and I need you to critique my plan.” Jess described her strategy and heard Claire out on some of the finer points. She knew her idea would disappoint some people; she hoped she wouldn’t regret what she was about to do.

  Chapter 10

  Jess left work on the early side and was able to get a run in before meeting Arthur and Vincente at Forest Park Bistro for dinner. Vincente was a visiting professor from Italy, staying with them for the week while he worked with Arthur and his lab team on some joint research that had been underway for years.

  “Jess, Arthur has promised that I can cook for you tomorrow night. I’m thinking pasta and veal. Is that little market on the corner still the place to find a good cut of meat?” Vincente had stayed with them many times and always cooked for them at least one night, which Jess loved almost as much as she loved having him visit.

  “Vincente, you know I love it when you cook, and yes, the corner market is still reliable. But you have me wondering how often you cook at home for Sylvia.”

  “Ahhh, you have found me out. Sylvia is a much better cook than I am, and very, how you say, territorial of her kitchen, so when I am here . . .”

  “You practice?” Jess caught him in the truth and laughed. “Well, your practice is perfecto for me, and you’re a dear to do it. Any chance we could eat a bit later, like you Italians do? I have a late meeting tomorrow that I’d like to keep.”